Pretending She’s Mine Page 4

  Asher

  My eyes burned they were so tired. I had caught up on the Westbrook Securities’ reports Mickey had sent over. Agnes let me know that Journey had eaten a few bites of dinner, but turned most of it away. I didn’t know whether that was caused by a physical lack of appetite or her stubbornness.

  I punched the pillow behind my head. Nothing was comfortable. I turned off my tablet and tossed it next to me on the king-size bed.

  There were no updates from the police. Nothing from Dante. It was as if we were in a remote part of the world, cut off from all communication. It was much worse than that, though. No information meant the killer was roaming freely and I wasn’t any closer to catching him.

  I reached for the switch on the lamp next to the bed when I heard footsteps in the hall. They were fast and heavy. Frantic.

  The door to the bedroom flew open just as I reached for my gun.

  Journey panted. Her hands gripped her neck. There was a wild look in her eye that was somehow both childlike and feral.

  I jumped from the bed and rushed to her. “What happened? Are you ok?” I scanned her body for signs of her incision bleeding.

  She waved my hands off her.

  “I-I remember pieces of it. I didn’t before, but it just…I had a memory of yesterday. It hit me. Out of nowhere. I-I don’t know what to do.”

  I let my palm fall to her lower back and I guided her to the edge of my bed.

  “Sit. Take a deep breath.” I walked over to the dresser and poured a glass of water for her. “Here. Take a sip.”

  She clasped the glass in her hands and drank. I waited for her to finish.

  “What do you remember?” I took the seat next to her, trying to give her space to breathe. The mattress bounced beneath my heavy frame.

  Her eyes darted back and forth.

  “I don’t know how I could have forgotten. How did I forget something like this? Something like being shot? What is wrong with me?”

  “It’s all right. You hit your head pretty hard, and with the combination of drugs for the surgery and sedation to travel, I would expect anyone to have the same reaction.”

  “But not you. You remember every horrible thing that happened to you overseas.”

  “This isn’t about me right now. We don’t need to dredge that up. Tell me. What do you remember?” I tried to pace my words so she didn’t feel rushed. I didn’t know if it would help to tell her that the memories hadn’t all come home with me in one package. They hit me in spurts. Just like this had happened to her.

  Journey began to rattle off her account of the shooting.

  “I was leaving the gym with Tristan. It was barely light out. The sun was starting to come up and I teased him about how evil he was for making me work out so early.” She paused, staring at her bare feet. She was wearing a T-shirt that hung off her shoulder. She had raced to my room so quickly she hadn’t added pajama bottoms. I tried to keep my eyes off her thighs.

  “He told me it would all be worth it once I started the award circuit. He said, ‘you’ve got this’.” She held her breath. “I was getting ready to tell him as soon as the awards were over we were going to sit on the deck and eat gallons of ice cream together. But that’s when I heard the gun. It didn’t register that that was what the sound was. I know what guns sound like, but not at the gym. Never at the gym—it didn’t fit. I screamed. I think I kept screaming. I’m not sure exactly. I don’t remember what happened next.” Her voice cracked. “I think. Maybe…”

  “What is it?”

  “I think I remember blood. There was blood on my hands. I was washing my face before I got back in bed and the warm water…” She shuddered. “Oh God.”

  “It’s ok. You are ok.” How did I help her? She wouldn’t let me touch her. I couldn’t hold her. I couldn’t lock the door and promise the darkness would never find a way inside.

  “Tristan? Did he? Is he ok? Where is Tristan? There was so much blood. I can’t get it out of my head.”

  I knew what she was going through. I knew the trauma wouldn’t ease up anytime soon.

  “He’s still in the hospital. He jumped in front of the gunman. That’s why the bullet grazed under your arm. I’m also anxious for him to wake up. I need to interview him.”

  Her eyes widened in horror. “It went through him?”

  I nodded. “It did. But the doctors say his surgery was a success. He’s being watched carefully. I’ll have the first call when he’s awake,” I assured her.

  “I want to see him. I need to thank him.” She jumped from the bed. “I have to go to the hospital. He has to know he saved me. He has to know what he did for me. He has to.”

  The pain circled my ribs, suffocating me. She was on the verge of hysteria. The shock began to settle in. Her brush with death. The memories of yesterday morning. It was starting to catch up to her.

  “You can’t go to the hospital.” I looked at her. “I’ll make some calls and get an update on Tristan for you. But this is the safest place in the world you can be right now. If you go anywhere near that hospital the press will be all over you. You can’t risk it. I won’t allow it.”

  “You can’t hold me here against my will, Asher, not when I’m starting to remember. I have to thank Tristan for what he did. You’re not going to stop me.”

  “Want to test that theory?” I taunted.

  I wasn’t letting her out of my sight. She didn’t need to know I slept in the chair in her room last night. That for twenty-four hours, I hadn’t been more than twenty feet away from her. That I was holstered and ready to shoot at the first sign of danger.

  There would be time for that. Her life came before anything else.

  “You can’t be serious.” Her eyes flared. “I have my memory back. I don’t need your recovery cabin or whatever you call this place.”

  “You’re not leaving.”

  She crossed her arms. “And I was almost going to say thank you for the hot shower and soft bed, but I’ve changed my mind.”

  I arched my eyebrows.

  “You want to thank me for something else instead?”

  She groaned. “No. I want to go home.”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  “Then you go with me. You can take your old room. I don’t want you to, but I’ll give you that if you insist on this arrangement.”

  “That’s generous of you. But I think I’ve outgrown the security quarters.”

  “Oh right. Because you’re a millionaire now.” She rolled her eyes. “This is all insane. You’re not a bodyguard anymore. Why are you acting like one?”

  “I’m acting like a man who is putting your life above everything else right now.”

  “Why?”

  I saw the way her face fell as if a soft shadow had crossed her. She let go of the hostility and aggression.

  “Why are you doing this, Ashe?”

  “My first answer wasn’t enough?”

  “No. I don’t think it is. I want the truth. All of it.”

  If only she knew. If only I could tell her. But my confession was a selfish one. I wasn’t going to put that on Journey. Not with everything she still had to face.

  “That’s all I have. Are you going to be able to go back to sleep or should I call Agnes?”

  She placed her hand on the door. “You’re an asshole. Do you know that? A bastard.”

  She slammed the door. I didn’t exhale until I heard her last footsteps disappear into her room.

  Eight

  Journey

  I swear I didn’t know I could survive an entire week without my cell phone, but I managed. There was actually something peaceful about being disconnected from everyone at all times. I wasn’t willing to admit it to Asher. Every morning I asked for my phone. And every time he gave me the same gruff “no.”

  Luckily, the Big Bear cabin was stocked with an incredible library. Before she left last week, Nurse Agnes informed me that since I didn’t have a concussion, there were no reading restrictions
. I started with the classics. I couldn’t remember the last time I had read this much, or spent this much time alone.

  I could change the dressing on my arm without any help. After a few days, the wrapped gauze bandage was reduced to an oversized Band-Aid. The slice the bullet cut ran from the side of my bicep along the back of my arm. Most people would probably never notice it.

  I wasn’t going to be one of those people. I’d wear the scar for the rest of my life, knowing how close I came to dying.

  I closed the book I was reading and placed it next to me on the bedside table. The house was quiet. I knew in a few minutes I’d hear Asher’s footsteps in the kitchen. He was a notorious midnight snacker.

  It was one of a thousand things about Asher that was carved into my eternal memory. He liked to run early in the morning. He never missed a Texas football game on TV. He liked to shave with a fresh razor and never used one more than once. He liked bourbon straight. I didn’t want to fall asleep reliving everything I knew about him.

  I pulled the covers close to my chest and turned off the light. I stared at the ceiling. I listened for Asher’s unmistakable sounds. Ever since the night I ran into his room, I had tried to put as much distance between as I could. As much distance as two people could have co-existing under the same roof.

  I didn’t know if he realized I was mortified. That his room was the last place I wanted to use as my sanctuary. It didn’t matter. It was one more page in the history of things I did I’d rather pretend never happened. I closed my eyes, praying sleep would find me quicker than it had since I had arrived in Big Bear.

  The next morning, I ventured into the living room and out onto the massive wraparound porch. The air smelled fresh and clean. I took a giant inhale, feeling the peacefulness wash over me. It was another thing I didn’t want to admit to Asher. I liked it up here. Almost as much as I liked it at the beach house. I had traded seagulls for morning birds and shells for stones.

  “Good morning.”

  I froze when I heard his voice behind me. I turned slowly. He was dressed for his morning run. His earbuds dangled around his neck.

  “Hi.”

  I watched in awe as he stretched his muscular arms overhead. I was aware of how beautiful his body had always been to me. The twinge of jealousy that wormed its way into this moment surprised me. Was there another woman who admired his rock-hard body the way I did? Had there been many women since we were together?

  “I’m headed out for an hour.”

  “I see that.” My gaze was stuck on his biceps. I lowered my eyes to the beams on the deck.

  “You wouldn’t want—” He shook his head. “Never mind. Bad idea.”

  “What? What is it?” I leaned closer, peeling myself off the railing.

  “You seem to be feeling better. Do you want to join me? I’ll take it easy on you. We could try some of the low-key trails.” The smirk he made was enough for me to melt into a puddle, despite the chill in the air.

  I paused too long.

  “It was a bad idea. I’ll just go. You stay and relax.”

  “No!” I covered my mouth. “I mean. Yes, I’d like to go. I haven’t been on the trails yet. Can you give me a minute to change?”

  “Sure. I’ll wait.”

  I tried to enter the house casually, but once I was inside I hustled to my room and flung open the closet door. Part of me worried Asher would change his mind and leave before I had socks on. The other part was in disbelief he was actually letting me leave the house.

  He had spared no expense in purchasing my wardrobe. My hands landed on a cute pair of running shorts, a sports bra, and a cutoff shirt. I dressed and grabbed the running shoes on my way to the balcony. I immediately felt Asher’s eyes on my stomach when I stepped in the sunlight.

  “You’re going to need to tie those.”

  “Hmm? What?”

  He pointed to my feet. “Your shoe laces.”

  “Oh. Right.” I knelt to secure double knots.

  “We can take it slow,” he offered.

  “No. I need to move,” I argued. I hadn’t had a good workout since the shooting and I craved those feel-good endorphins. I wanted my body to work hard. I wanted the challenge. Most of all, I wanted Asher to stop looking at me like I was fragile and delicate. I needed to erase that look of pity he carried around with him.

  “Show me what you’ve got,” I taunted as I rose from the deck.

  “You don’t know what you’re asking for.” He jogged down the three flights of stairs that ended in the driveway.

  “I can handle it.” I waggled my eyebrows. My confidence was high. I was excited to be out of the house.

  Asher chuckled. “We’ll see.”

  He pivoted on his heels and darted into the woods, ducking under a low limb. I took in a big gulp of air and followed him onto the trail.

  The beginning of the trail was mostly flat. We kept a steady pace, and I was certain Asher had been teasing me for the fun of it. I had to watch where my feet landed, but fifteen minutes in to our run and I relieved it wasn’t as hard as he had made it sound. But then we turned and started running uphill. My week of inactivity and recovery bit me in the ass. Hard. I needed to stop, but didn’t want to admit it.

  I pushed myself to keep Asher’s pace. I forced myself to follow him, even though the distance between was growing. He leapt over a fallen log and it was the last straw. I couldn’t go any farther. My side ached with a nasty cramp. My breath was no longer even. I steadied myself against a tree. Asher was out of sight. I wondered how long it would take him to notice I wasn’t on his heels any longer.

  I leaned into the tree, sucking in big swallows of air.

  I looked up when I heard his footsteps ahead on the trail.

  “Shit, Journey. Are you ok?”

  I nodded. “Just a cramp. No big deal.”

  He wiped the sweat from his forehead and jogged toward me. “I knew it was too much.”

  “No. It’s not too much. I just need a break.”

  “I pushed you. I shouldn’t have.”

  “Not everything is your fault, Ashe.” I stared in his eyes. It was one of the things I had vowed not to do, but he was standing next to me. Even with an entire forest surrounding us, there was nowhere to move. No escape. I looked into the rivers of emotion and saw how much hurt my words caused.

  “Yeah, everything kind of is.” He stood facing me.

  My heart was about to beat out of my chest, but it wasn’t from the hike. It was from. From how the energy changed when he looked at me that way. From how I reacted to the nearness of his lips.

  “Do you think when the cramp lets up you’ll be able to make it back to the house, or do I need to carry you?”

  My eyes widened. “You are not carrying me.”

  “You want to test that option?”

  I tried to back up, but I was pressed against the tree. He could fling me over his shoulder in an instant if he wanted.

  “I can walk out. Give me a few minutes.” I crouched to the forest floor. “It doesn’t mean you can’t keep running. You should go. I can find my way back to the house. It’s one trail.” Maybe my pulse would return to normal if he would leave.

  “You know I can’t do that. It’s not safe to leave you alone.”

  “I don’t need a bodyguard in the middle of the woods. There is no one out here. No one at the cabin. There are no people. No one, Asher. We’re completely alone.”

  I saw the flicker in his eyes. We had been avoiding each other inside the house. Entering and exiting rooms as if the other had a contagious disease. We barely spoke to each other all day. We could pretend we had things to do. Pretend we weren’t irreversibly drawn to each other. Pretend that the solitude of the cabin was haunting each of us when we climbed in bed in night.

  Now, it was the emptiness of the forest. The knowledge that for a solid week Asher and I had been alone. Dancing this dance all by ourselves.

  Nine

  Asher

  The blood
rushed to my fingertips. I wanted to pull her against me. Wrap my arms around her body. Tangle my hands in her hair. I wanted to kiss her pouty lips until they were mine again. I inched closer.

  Journey’s eyes widened with the kind of innocence that pulled me toward her the first time we met. She ever so slightly bit her bottom lip.

  “How is the cramp?” I asked, moving my hand to the exposed skin under her ribcage. “Is it here?”

  She nodded. “It was. It was right there.”

  My fingers dug into her lower back as my thumb brushed the silkiness of her abdomen. It was enough to draw her against my body with a small step forward. I didn’t know if I’d ever touch her again. If she’d ever let me be this close. Be this intimate. If I didn’t kiss her now, I’d always regret it.

  My mouth covered hers in the hungriest kiss I’d ever known. My tongue pushed inside and flicked against hers. Journey moaned lightly as I explored her mouth as if it were the first time. Her soft perfect lips moved in unison with mine. I pressed her body against the tree, cupping her jaw. I didn’t know how to be gently and possessive at the same time. But I sure as hell was going to try.

  It was the first time since I had brought her to Big Bear that I didn’t feel the knot under my ribs. I nipped at her bottom lip, drowning in her. Absorbing the contact. Relishing her curves. Touching her everywhere.

  But then my ears perked. I heard a snap.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Shh.” I broke away, turning from Journey. I reached for the small pistol I carried with me on my morning runs.

  I heard her gasp when she saw it.

  “Stay here,” I ordered. “And stay low.” I pushed her shoulders so she was crouched on the ground.

  I crept along the trail, and moved into the brush in the direction where I heard the loud cracking sound. I checked over my shoulder, keeping one eye on Journey and one ahead. Had I let my guard down? Had I given in to the solitude of the cabin for too long? I scowled as I edged forward. Guarding Journey had always been a problem. She distracted me. She pulled me from focus. I growled to myself, scanning the woods for a trespasser.