Pretending She’s Mine Read online

  The hair on the back of my neck stood up when I saw what was ahead. I froze. Fuck.

  I crawled backward, staying out of sight until I was at the tree with Journey.

  “What is it?” she whispered. “Is there someone out there?”

  I put my finger to my lips and shook my head no. I motioned to my eyes with double fingers and pointed at the target forty yards in front of us.

  “Wh—” she gasped, when I covered her mouth with my hand.

  Her eyes bulged.

  A mama bear was traipsing through the forest, towing two cubs behind her. I curled a hand around Journey’s waist, pulling her against me. If we stayed still the mama would continue. She wasn’t headed off her path, but I didn’t want to startle her. The cubs rolled and jumped on each other, before finally following her.

  When they were gone, I lowered my hand.

  “Oh my God. That was amazing.”

  I looked at Journey, expecting her to be rattled. I let out a deep laugh. “Amazing, huh?”

  I stood and helped her to her feet.

  “Yes. I’ve never seen a bear up close before, let alone cubs. They were adorable. Wow. Just wow.”

  “Adorable can rip you apart. Hopefully, we won’t see any more. I think we should head back to the cabin in case she turns around. This run didn’t go as expected. Nothing did,” I grumbled.

  Journey hopped up from the ground. “I know you don’t like unexpected things.” I heard the accusatory tone in her voice.

  “That’s not what I meant.” It had nothing to do with the kiss and everything to do with pushing her too hard physically. Add to that a dangerous animal.

  “It doesn’t matter. I think I’ll get a cup of detox tea and spend the day in the library.”

  I had to jog to catch up to her. She was already descending the path. She was pissed. I didn’t know how to bring the moment back. I didn’t know how to tell her kissing her was only the beginning of what I wanted to do. Damn bear.

  I ran beside her. “J, wait.”

  Her head whipped around. “You stopped calling me that a long time ago.”

  “Maybe I should start again.” I smiled.

  Instead of leaning into me. Instead of reaching for my hand. She huffed and started her trek to the house.

  I exhaled. Spending the day in the cabin together was going to feel just as lonely as before.

  Ten

  Journey

  I heard screams. Loud. Frightened. Ear-piercing screams. I shook my head, trying to make them stop.

  “J. Journey. You’re dreaming. Wake up.”

  My eyes adjusted to the darkness. Asher was next to me on the bed. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and pulled me against his chest. I let go of the pillow I had tried to strangle.

  His chest was warm and bare. For a second I nuzzled against him, sighing into his embrace. God, I loved how his skin always smelled like clean soap and felt as if he had been sitting in the sun.

  “It’s ok. It was just a dream,” he soothed.

  I pushed off the solid plane of muscle. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “It’s ok. I ran as soon as I heard you.”

  “You didn’t have to do that. You can go back to bed.” My voice still sounded foreign in my ears as if it was raspy from screaming.

  “No. I’m staying until you’re asleep.”

  “Why?” I questioned.

  “Nightmares like that aren’t easy to shake,” he explained.”

  I didn’t believe that was the truth. “Really?”

  “What?” He squeezed my shoulder. “You’re upset. I’ll wait until I know you’re ok. It’s easier to fall back asleep if someone is with you.”

  “I am ok.”

  “Try to sleep, J.”

  There it was again. The familiarity. The pretense of closeness.

  I shrugged away from him. “Why are you doing all this?” I couldn’t remember what the dream was about. But I wasn’t scared anymore. My pulse had returned to normal.

  “I want to make sure you’re ok.”

  “You’re not a bodyguard anymore, Asher. You haven’t been mine in a long time.”

  I was glad it was dark so I couldn’t see his eyes.

  He tensed against me. “Journey, it’s late. Lie down and get some sleep.”

  I shook his arm off my shoulder. “Damn it.”

  “What is wrong with you?”

  I shoved his chest, moving him barely an inch. I had suppressed the rage and confusion for too long. It came barreling out at once.

  “What are you doing in my bed Asher? What am I doing in your house?” I was yelling. “Why are we here? Why are you here? Why do you think you have a say in anything that happens to me after you walked out? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

  “Don’t do this.” His voice remained icy calm.

  “Do what? Show emotion? Tell you you’re driving me insane with your controlling bullshit? That you have no right to crawl in my bed after you’ve been out of it for two years?” I was on my knees, growing taller and angrier.

  He was going to hear two years of pent-up heartbreak.

  I moved to strike him but he caught my wrist before I could slap his face.

  “Stop it, Journey.”

  “No.” I threw the other arm at him, and he snatched that one just as quickly.

  “There’s no point in doing this.”

  “Why? Because you think you might say something? Feel something? Or would you rather just keep me up here trapped like a prisoner. I won’t be Rapunzel in your rustic cabin,” I mocked. “I can’t live like this. I want to leave. Tomorrow.”

  “I would have to perform a complete threat assessment at the Malibu estate before we could relocate. I don’t see why it’s even worth it. You’re safe here. The threat doesn’t know you’re here.”

  It was that word that chilled me. The threat was still out there.

  “I can’t stop living my life because of a lunatic. If I stay in hiding, he’s won.”

  I couldn’t help but feel the warmth in Asher’s hands. His grip on my wrists was steady.

  “He’s not winning. And he’s not going to win. I’ll make sure of that.”

  “While keeping me hostage?”

  “God damn it, Journey. You’re not a hostage. You’re safe.”

  I tugged on his grip. “Then let me go.”

  “No.”

  I pulled harder against the restraint. “Asher,” I whispered.

  He drew me closer to him, so that my body leaned forward.

  “Don’t ask me to let you go again.”

  “You can’t keep me.”

  He was close enough I could feel his breath on my cheek and the heat from his body. I inhaled his scent, swearing I could reject what these memories did to me. The familiarity of Asher was too much. The closeness. The intimacy. The pain that was between us.

  Darkness surrounded us and all I could think about was why we weren’t together anymore. I had loved this man with every part of my soul. And he had left me alone.

  Eleven

  Asher

  The smell of her shampoo made me drunk. Her skin. Her warm breath. Five shots of bourbon and I’d feel less intoxicated than I did in this moment, holding her.

  I’d spent the week keeping an eye on her, but keeping my distance. It hadn’t been easy. More like hard as hell. One of the hardest things I’d ever done, and that statement came from a man who performed rescue missions.

  I handled conference calls in the study, burying myself in numbers and projections. I went through itineraries with Mickey, reframing my appointments for virtual meetings. I listened to the acquisition proposals, studying the due diligences of the companies I wanted to bring into my portfolio. And I did all of it while digging into the details of Journey’s attack.

  I hadn’t made much headway. The LAPD wasn’t any more successful.

  I’d watched the scratchy feed the gym had provided a hundred times. It was dark and impossibl
e to make out the gunman. If only she had hired a new bodyguard. If only she took her safety as seriously as I did. None of this would have happened.

  She wanted to be normal. She wanted to get coffee and go for runs in the park. She wanted to shop with friends and help out at church bakes sales on Sundays, but that wasn’t the kind of life she lived. A-list celebrities couldn’t do those kinds of things unless they were willing to hide out in tiny Montana towns.

  Wasn’t that what I had loved about her? She was normal. Journey was a breath of fresh air in a town that ran on greed and popularity. We used to joke about moving somewhere far from the fame. Move back to her roots in Georgia. To the small town where she grew up in. That was the woman I fell in love with—the one who could be sexy and glamorous one minute, and have be buried up to her elbows in cookie dough the next without an ounce of makeup on. She was kindess and brains personified. It made it even more unbelievable that someone wanted to hurt her.

  There had to be more to the attack. There had to be more information out there about a motive, but I didn’t want to press her at Big Bear. I didn’t want to ask too much too soon. Part of me knew I was using every distraction I could grab, to keep the inevitable from happening. I didn’t want to have to let her go.

  My chest pounded. I wanted her as much now as the first time I met her. I wanted her more than I did today in the woods.

  “You left me,” she whispered. “I woke up and you were gone. Just vanished.”

  “I know.” I held her wrists against my chest. I had regretted it every fucking day.

  I dropped her wrists, tangling my hands in her hair. I crushed her mouth with a rough kiss. A kiss that said everything I couldn’t.

  The little moans coming from her throat made me ache for her. My tongue twisted along hers. Tasting her. Drinking her in.

  Her hands wrapped against my neck.

  I could devour her. Wipe away the pain of the past. Kiss her breathless until she forgot I hurt her. I wasn’t the man who was supposed to leave. I was the man who had sworn to always protect her with my life.

  I groaned against the softness of her lips. “J.”

  She nipped at my mouth, climbing into my lap one leg at a time. My tongue flicked along hers. Her skin was warm under the flimsy tank top she slept in. My fingers pressed into her flesh, remembering how she felt. Every smooth line. Every curve. My hands molded to the roundness of her breasts. Her tits perked into hard points under my touch. Sweet precious Journey.

  She sighed as I lifted the tank top over her head.

  Her nipples rubbed against my chest as I brought my mouth crashing down on hers. The friction built as her hips ground into my cock.

  “Why did you leave me?” she whimpered.

  I sighed. “It’s complicated. I didn’t want to.”

  “Tell me you didn’t have a choice. Tell me someone put a gun to your head.”

  My hands coasted to her hips. “There was a gun to my head,” I groaned. “I swear I did it for you.”

  Our bodies were on a course that was set to combust. We could say and pledge anything we wanted. There was no turning back. No turning off the charge of electricity pulsing beneath our skin.

  “Don’t leave me again,” she whimpered.

  “I won’t,” I promised, tugging her panties at her hips. I meant it. I meant every fucking word.

  I could have lost her. With one bullet my life would have ended.

  I’d never put us in that position again. Tonight I’d prove it. I’d show her how much I loved her. How sorry I was. As I buried myself inside her over and over. Making her scream my name. Coaxing her to come harder than she ever had.

  Tonight was a new beginning.

  We’d fuck until the sun came up. Until we were covered in sweat and the smell of sex. Fuck until we had forgiven each other. Until I had forgiven myself.

  I lowered Journey to the pillow, sliding my hand between her legs. Her knees fell to the side as I massaged her center and her hips danced under my command.

  “Ohh, Ashe,” she cried.

  My head whipped around when the alert alarm sounded from my tablet.

  I jerked upright. My hand froze between her thighs.

  “Oh my God. What is that?” she asked, panting the words. Journey pressed her knees together.

  It was a high-pitched alarm, guaranteed to wake me even in a deep sleep. I had it set for emergency updates. I didn’t like that it was sounding off now. I couldn’t ignore it. Not even when we were about to have everything we wanted.

  “Wait here. I’ll be right back. Just give me a second,” I instructed, walking into the great room. My devices were plugged in and resting on the kitchen table.

  My tablet blinked and the siren wailed from the small speaker.

  I pressed mute and read the alert on the screen. I had to scan it a second time to make sure I read it correctly.

  Journey appeared in the doorway with the quilt wrapped around her naked shoulders. “Ashe? What is it? What’s wrong? Did they catch him? Please tell me that’s what it is.”

  I rubbed the back of my neck. “You didn’t tell me you had email threats.” I stared at her. “You’ve never mentioned your email. Not once.”

  “What are you talking about?” She stepped closer.

  “I asked for details. Everything. Anything. How many times have we gone over the past six months? I said you couldn’t leave any detail out. Nothing.”

  “Why do you sound so mad at me? What happened, Ashe?”

  I held up the screen. “This. This is what happened. I got the report back on your email account. You’ve had fifty-five threats from the same account. The IP address changed ten times, but there’s no mistake, you had a repeated threat.”

  How could she have withheld this information? Didn’t she know I was doing everything in my power to catch this guy?

  “Let me see that.” She took the tablet from my hands and read the top briefing of the report. “I’ve never seen these.” She looked at me. “I haven’t had any threatening emails.”

  “They’re all right here, J. Fifty-five.” I hadn’t read more than a few keywords from them.

  “I’ve never seen them.” She remained defiant. “How did you even get into my email?”

  “My team analyzed all your traffic,” I answered. “They scoured your social media too. I should have a report that cross-references this address with any posts.”

  “You didn’t ask me about that.” She shoved the tablet into my hands.

  “Ask? I had to get an analysis on all threatening activity.”

  She turned away. “So you hacked my accounts? Did you break into my phone too? Is that why I can’t have it?”

  “Hold on. We’re getting off target here.” I tossed the tablet on the counter. “I have a potential lead. These emails could lead us to your attacker and you’re pissed at me?”

  She pulled the quilt tighter. It was starting to slip against her arm. There was a thin sliver of moonlight falling across the floor like a line dividing the room in half. Journey was on her side and I was on mine.

  “I’m pissed about everything,” she answered.

  “That’s fair.” I lowered my voice. I didn’t want this to escalate into a fight, but I knew we were past that point.

  “And you think it’s justified? All your actions? Keeping me hidden. Hacking my personal information. Heading up the investigation. Every decision you’ve made for a week without even asking my opinion. You believe those were the right calls to make?”

  “I do.” I pressed my lips together.

  “Then I’m going back to bed. Alone.”

  Twelve

  Journey

  He could be infuriating and stubborn. Like an immovable wall. Had it been one of the things I loved or hated about him? Standing in the Big Bear living room, I wasn’t sure anymore. The news of the emails was disturbing. The fact that Asher had hacked all my accounts was maddening.

  I hadn’t leaned on him in so long. What used t
o be natural now felt like an invasion of my privacy.

  And then there were the kisses that had blistered my lips and turned me into complete putty. I wanted his hands on me. His breath blazing over my skin. My body craved him. It missed him.

  He could soothe my nightmares and hold me.

  But this was reality. Asher was controlling and overprotective. And right now he was in bodyguard mode. The man who had started to let the shield crack fifteen minutes ago was quickly gone – he had patched it back up.

  I saw the gun tucked in his pajama pants. I didn’t even realize he had grabbed it on the way out of the bedroom. He had an ease with guns and weapons I couldn’t begin to understand.

  “Don’t do that.” His gruff voice carried over my shoulder.

  “Why not? We can’t do this. I can’t do this. I don’t want to fight with you.”

  He sighed. “Put us aside. I want to talk to you about the emails.”

  “Of course you do.”

  He had the ability to switch from emotion to mission focus as if it was as easy as turning a light switch on and off. I was still angry I had let him get me naked.

  “J. Talk this through. If you’ve never seen them talk to me. Help me figure it out.”

  “Oh, all right.” I lowered my eyes to the floor and slumped on the couch. “I didn’t see those emails. Dante forwards the important things to my private account. If it’s fan mail, he handles it. Someone on his staff responds.”

  “Then there’s a possibility Dante read these?” he pressed.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s possible I guess.”

  “I need to get him on the phone now.”

  “Asher, wait. What time is it?”

  “3am,” he replied.

  “Let Dante sleep. You can talk to him in the morning.”

  He groaned. “You don’t get it. I need to speak to him because this comes first. You come first.”

  “Then why don’t you act like it?”

  “Excuse me?” He put his cell down.